Pizza Hut (aka Gourmet Garbage)

*SNARK WARNING: I went overboard with parenthetical asides in this post.*

All right, I know I am going to catch flack from Carina for the title of this post, but I feel that our lovely readers are entitled to a review of yesterday's *ahem* gustatory experience. Oh, what an experience it was...

Ever since scoping out our little slice of Hong Kong, Carina has been threatening to request a meal at one of the fine, "American" dining locales nearby: McDonald's and/or Pizza Hut. The optimistic part of me wanted to believe this to be an idle threat, but the realist in me knew that it was only a matter of time before permission was asked and, damn it all, the curious cat in me wanted to know whether such restaurants (I use that term loosely) were better or worse than their USA counterparts. After all, I had been to a McDonald's in Paris and, ironically, it was probably some of the best food I had there given the price (sorry, Paris, but the Belgians in general rock you, sock you, pick you up and drop you any day of the week in terms of culinary expertise). Maybe it would be the same here in Hong Kong.

Of course, we all know what happened to that curious cat.

Yesterday rolled in and we finally broke down and went to Pizza Hut. It had been a pretty long day and, frankly, I wanted to do something nice since all of our favorite bakeries have been closed the past week for the Lunar New Year. Carina wanted to go and the philosopher in me (i.e. me in general) was curious. I figured, what the heck? We can give it a shot. Well, here is what we hit:

The Good

I have never been a big fan of Pizza Hut, although I do have fond memories of the free pizza you got for that Book-It program back in the day (I am over twenty and married, I think I am entitled to use that phrase now). I remember the dingy little pizza houses with the greasy pizza buffets that would be left open with greasy old pizza for tian knows how long.

No such thing at HK Pizza Hut.

No, at HK Pizza Hut you are brought into what appears to be a mid-level restaurant complete with cushioned, booth seating, air-conditioning, a reasonable degree of cleanliness (hard to find around here), and *drum-roll* a full and extensive menu. I kid you not. HK Pizza Hut has an extensive menu of what appear to be quality dishes. It is no secret that Pizza Hut has been expanding their menu for some time, especially with the inclusion of more pasta and salad dishes. You will never, however, find some of the interesting, "European" (they are very emphatic about dividing the rest of the world from China around here; what does that tell you?) dishes served, including lobster bisque served in a puff pastry, chicken penne, or a full dessert platter. Not only that, but the pizza options are also pretty amazing here. Lamb and prawn pizza? That sounds decadent.

We ended up ordering a "regular" ("small" in the US of A) stuffed-crust pepperoni pizza with tomatoes and a chicken garden salad. I have to say, I was impressed with the presentation of the salad which looked about as it did in the menu. The pizza was...well...a pizza. I have to say, though, that it was about the highest quality of cheese we have had here in some time (a big deal for Carina, although I am not a cheese-head; the Steelers' loss stings). It was also not as greasy or crappy as you will get from a US Pizza Hut, so major points there as well. Suffice it to say that it was a nice break from the crappy restaurant food around here.

The Bad

There is a reason I tended to cook for myself even before Carina got here, even though all I really ate were oats and kidney beans. That reason is the fact that most places around here prepare foods in a manner that my body can do nothing with but convert to fat. The main issue is that there is pretty much no such thing as lean meat in Hong Kong and, if there is, it is served to you with the fat untrimmed and full of bones that, once you pick out and off, leaves you with little of the real protein.

Pizza Hut was really no different in this regard. The chicken salad I mentioned was well presented, and the yellow peppers were a welcome part, but it was also presented in what I call the "fancy" style (high on presentation, low on actual food content) and the chicken was really just chicken fat. Apparently only cooped chickens are used for anything in Hong Kong. I find this pretty pitiful, since Hong Kong actually imports most all of its food. You would think they could at least import higher quality meat for the price of the small salad (HK 48, ~US 6.5). The greens were good, but after eating the chicken off of that plate I felt like I had eaten something more akin to chicken-flavored gelatin. Funny, the cheap chicken breasts we buy at the meat market are better, and I can get a big bag for half the price of that salad.

The pizza fared better and, even though there is really only one place I ever want pizza from again (home), I have to say it was largely okay...except for the lack of tomatoes that 1) Carina explicitly ordered, and then 2) we were also explicitly charged for. I am really not surprised by this: service in Hong Kong is crap; service at US Pizza Hut is crap; it follows that service at HK Pizza Hut is really crappy. We waited about fifteen minutes for our check, during which time we probably could have (maybe should have) walked out without paying. I would chalk that up to it being busy, but the place was pretty empty and it was well past the usual lunch hour.

Judgment

So, how do I rate HK Pizza Hut? I give it a solid "C" on the Colin Scale. What? C sounds poor? Well, rest easy knowing that C means average and, all things considered, Pizza Hut pretty much balanced out around my expectations, exceeding some and being disappointing in others about equally. Would I go there again? In all honesty, probably not. The prices just are not worth the food quality in my opinion. The only things that might bring me back are if Carina asks and their specialty desserts (hey, where else can I get creme brulee around here?).

I am expecting a rebuttal from Carina on this post at some point, but I really do hope she does not take it too seriously or at all personally. I think it is good to try new things and, on occasion, old things in a new way...which I guess are totally new things in their own right. Like I said, I was curious to try the HK franchise too, and I will take my lumps as they come...so will our toilet, coincidentally.