It's Loud

This past week has been relatively uneventful. Yes, I count being "potentially" involved in a book deal "uneventful". If I get the book deal I'll consider it an event. Until then, things are just dull. What does a dull week mean? A dull week means I have little motivation to post about anything in particular. Instead, I have decided to fixate on the most conspicuous thing around at the moment: the little old lady hawking her wares on the street corner adjacent to our flat.

What are her wares, you ask? Well, when I glanced yesterday they appeared to be knock-off designer handbags. Huh, and I was wondering why it sounded like she kept saying "Coco Chanel" over and over again. Of course, with older Cantonese speakers it sounds more like someone saying "Coco Shawna" after a few drinks, but I'll let that go. The fact that I really want to attend to, though, is not that she's selling counterfeit merchandise. The thing I want to point out is that she has been down there for the past few days and WON'T. SHUT. UP.

Now, you've all heard me complain about the noise levels of Hong Kong in the past. I'll complain about the loud traffic, earth-shaking construction, and drunken school kids I have to deal with early in the morning. This lady on the microphone, MC Hawker as I have come to think of her, is by far the most obnoxious cacophony I've had to deal with. Sure, the out-dated trucks and construction equipment tend to be louder and more consistent, but these are common, repetitive sounds that you can come to drown out after a while, especially with a good pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

MC Hawker is different.

MC Hawker wants you to buy her crap. She wants you to know that she's selling crap, she wants you to know that it's there, and she wants you to listen to her rather than actually look at the merchandise itself. MC Hawker thinks that the entire world needs to know that her little corner shop is open to sell cheap garbage and that, rather than use a sign or other means of advertisement, the best way to get attention is to be as loud as possible.

MC Hawker should have gone to business school.

Even in my own language I find people talking on loudspeakers, megaphones, or sound systems to be rather annoying. The only exception to this rule is when I'm at a concert for a band I particularly like or listening to a significant political speech (the latter of which, I suspect, has probably happened a grand total of at most five times in the history of the United States). Other than that, I find such noise utterly painful. In Hong Kong, this sort of noise is the norm. In Hong Kong, I am in agony. Why would I want to buy something from someone who perpetuates this?

Of course, as we know from our experiences with salespeople in Hong Kong, advertising and moving product are not their specialty (you start high and work your way down, geniuses...). Still, it's really no excuse for the nuisance that it causes. Unfortunately, most Hong Kongers seem to be half-deaf at birth. This means speaking volume is UP TO THE STRATOSPHERE no matter where you are. I often wonder how loudly Hong Kong aircraft technicians speak on the job. Can voices get any louder than the "screaming bloody murder" level?

I had to look up the possibility of getting anything done about the hawkers. Unfortunately, it seems that they're within their rights to do what they're doing. According to the government website on noise ordinances:

The nature of the noise sources covered by these provisions in sections 4 and 5 of the ordinance is such that it is not possible to specify fixed acceptable noise levels or noise measurement procedures to be used in assessing the acceptability of the noise. As is the case in other countries, noise from domestic premises and public places is to be dealt with by the police on a subjective nuisance basis.

Bummer that. The fact is that I can't do anything as an individual, especially not an individual non-citizen. What's hilarious though, in a very sad way, is the way Hong Kong approaches noise pollution more broadly...kinda' like how they approach air pollution: It's there...Okay, and...what? Way to go, guys, way to go. Here are some select quotes from the government page on noise pollution.

On construction noise: "Hong Kong is renowned for its city skyline, which is the result of a very active construction industry. "

What, really? No, no it's not. The beautiful sights of Hong Kong result from its natural geography. Nice try, though.

On traffic noise: " Vehicle noise is managed under the Noise Control (Motor Vehicles) Regulation, which stipulates that new vehicles for use in Hong Kong must meet European Union and Japanese noise control standards before registration."

Really? If that's the case then they sure haven't been good about enforcing the regulations. That or the EU and Japan have really lax standards...which I find hard to believe.

Also, apparently part of the plan to deal with traffic noise? More construction.

On "other" noise sources: "Neighbourhood noise from domestic premises and public places is restricted under the Noise Control Ordinance. As this type of noise is occasional and brief, it can be reported to the police for immediate assistance. But the important thing is to be considerate of others so that the noise you make won't be a bother."

Okay, first of all? No one in Hong Kong seems to read or care about these ordinances. They throw their garbage on the ground without a second thought and police do nothing to enforce the basic statutes. They jump in when they have to, but that's rare to never. Also, "occasional and brief"? This noise is constant and prolonged! That's the opposite of occasional and brief! Yet, somehow, it is permitted to continue. I know I'm not the only one who complains about it, but what does it matter what I say? I'm just a crazy gwailo, right?

Still, I have to say, it's funny despite how sad it all is. Anyway, that's it from me for now.

Adios, hasta luego,

Colin