De dread ah come c-come c-come (world domination equals world suffocation)

Hu Jintao is visiting the United States right now, talking about important things like China's currency (how it is "allegedly" kept artificially low), human rights issues (*coughTibetcough*), and North Korea (apparently no one likes kim chee). I could attempt to do some serious research and go through all of his remarks on this trip to give you a critical, possibly satirical analysis. Fortunately, the media has already keyed-in on a particularly interesting comment he has made: "We do not engage in arms races, we are not a military threat to any country. China will never seek to dominate or pursue an expansionist policy."

Now, I have frequently expressed my skepticism regarding China's leadership. Their poor record on human rights (or what the West suggests should be human rights, not that the West is off of its rocker, mind you), their plutocratic government, and their inability to really engage productively with other world cultures...these aspects have always been very off-putting to me. To top it all off, there was that wonderful slogan of "One world, one China" at the 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing (pronounced "Bay-jing", not "Bay-jjjing"; we are not French, people). Yeah, that was foreboding. Despite all of these warning bells, I do have to say this about President Hu's comment: I believe him.

I know it might sound crazy, but I really do believe that China is not seeking to be a force of world domination...at least not in the traditional sense. They have no good reason to pursue that kind of policy, at least on my view. Why? Well, I have put together a Top Ten List of Reasons China Will Not Seek World Domination in a form similar to a popular talk show and numerous parodies. Some of the reasons will be serious, some not so serious. I have to admit, I did not have a whole list of ten, so I had to fill it out somehow. Hopefully, this will work out...

#10) One against all: Look at the facts, China does not have many real friends in the world. Associates? Yes. Friends? Not so much. In this day and age waging a single-handed war on the rest of the world would be madness and, frankly, no one is going to ally with China. "What about the Russians?" some might ask. Look, mate, the Russians have been trying to take over the world since its founding. Do you think they want to let someone else get in on their shtick?

#9) Past failures: China gave us Sunzi. Sunzi gave us The Art of War. The Art of War gave us the idea that war should be avoided at all costs. Yeah, you heard me: avoid war when possible. Do you know what has happened when China has engaged in war in the past? Well, for starters, I can tell you that the wars were usually civil ones and the internal strife that followed was almost never worth the war. The fact of the matter is that China, even post-World War II China, is well aware of the futility of expansionist campaigns. Do you know what happened when China was first unified? It fell apart after one generation! That was just the territory (part of the territory, in fact) that would become China. Can you imagine trying to control the whole world by such means? Neither can I.

#8) Protectionist policies: China has very little interest in "the outside world", and by outside world I mean anything not China. China wants to enrich itself; China wants to maintain unity (especially after centuries of division); China wants to be China. Sure, these wants are mostly limited to the small section of the population in charge of the country, but that is just the way they roll. China loves to get tributes from its neighbors, but it does not want to reign over them.

#7) China lacks military might: Seriously, they do. China might be a giant land mass with an inconceivably large population, but its military is nowhere near on par with, say, that of the United States and its allies (I hate to phrase it like that, but I really know more about the USA than other countries). To give you an idea, I post the following link to what I think of as an "optimistic account" of China's combat ability: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2010/02/22/think_again_chinas_military

#6) A lack of good soldiers: We cannot all be Yao Ming, and I am not even sure someone of his stature would be military material. Granted, in the modern military you do not need to be seven feet tall and capable of lifting three hundred pounds to be a terror on the battlefield. You just need to be able to push a button and launch a missile (so, essentially, you are okay to fight so long as you are not a paraplegic, sorry fellows). At the same time, I think there is something to be said about having a military composed of trained, fit, dedicated soldiers...and I am sincerely doubtful that China's military possesses this kind of mentality. Long past are the times of Dian Wei, Guan Yu, Gan Ning, and even the brilliant Zhuge Liang. Again, warfare has also changed extensively since that time, but as long as there are armies there will always be a need for good soldiers.

#5) There is no China: This one might seem bizarre, but allow me to explain. "China" is a term that refers to two concepts - the geographical mass and the government in Beijing. The China that does the talking is Beijing, the rest of China is largely...just...there. The fact is that most of China is pretty much shafted to the point that it might as well not be part of the region governed by Beijing. Do you remember city bosses? Robber barons? My understanding is that most regions are more like this, and the farther you get from cities like Beijing and Shanghai, the worse it gets. Ironically, it makes you question how unified China really is.

#4) Language crisis: My bread and butter. Part of successful world domination is to get everyone else speaking your language, thinking your thoughts, kowtowing to your gods, etc. Enter China, a country that has had numerous language crises over its history (go watch Hero if you want to learn more about an example), ultimately seeking to solve the problem with modern Mandarin. How well has that worked? Well, for one, it seems debatable what even constitutes literacy in China, especially since their system is character-based, rather than alphabetic. Some suggest that knowledge of as few as 1500 characters constitutes literacy. Rubbish. Chinese literacy skyrocketed after the second World War (according to reported statistics), but it is questionable as to whose standards this literacy is measured. I will not even go into the difficulty of translating between Mandarin and Cantonese, let alone English. If the Chinese have a hard time translating their language across regions, how hard will it be for the rest of the world?

#3) Legitimacy: China is not stupid. China knows that any attempt to impose its rule on others will likely lead to discontent not only from the conquered but also from those within China for a number of reasons. Economically, empire building is not feasible. How do you build and maintain your much-expanded nation without draining yourself dry? Even with bolstered resources, it would probably be a difficult endeavor. Not only that, you have to worry about those pesky Confucians and Daoists who keep telling you that what you are doing is either inhumane or just plain silly! Frankly, it just does not work out. You end up masquerading as a great empire, and we know how the Chinese hate actors.

#2) No need: China can get everything it wants without ever turning to forceful coercion. China wants countries like the USA healthy because the USA is an investment...same with so much of the rest of the world. For all of the land it covers, China's diversity of resources is still pretty limited and, although we love to import from them, they also love to import from us. The fact of the matter is that China does not want any more responsibility in the world than the responsibility of building itself up. China owns so much of the USA's debt as it stands that it might as well own the USA...but China does not WANT to own the USA, it just wants the fruits of the USA's labor. Pretty sweet deal...if you are a higher-up in China's plutocracy, at least.

#1) The Chinese do not care: It really just boils down to that, no one really cares. World domination is too much work. Not only that, there is no real point to it as referenced in point #2. For that matter, how do you think the majority of Chinese feel? They may well not even know about the possibility of world domination because they care so little! Why extend your concerns beyond what you do during your own day? World domination? Pfft, I would rather just nap.